Bukowski on the Mind

For the past few days I have been battling a vicious cold.  In times when I feel like I am too weak walk, too congested to breath, and struggle to make myself heard with a raspy voice I want nothing more then for someone to take care of me.  Normally this task would fall upon wonderful boyfriend but due to a stupid grant deadline he is stuck in Palo Alto, far away from our home in the Mission.  So as it is I am making my own tea and spending my evening with a collection of Bukowski poems.  No matter how many times I flip through the pages of this book I am always taken back by one particular poem...Bluebird

there's a bluebird in my heart that

wants to get out

but I'm too tough for him,

I say, stay in there, I'm not going

to let anybody see

you.

there's a bluebird in my heart that

wants to get out

but I pour whiskey on him and inhale

cigarette smoke

and the whores and the bartenders

and the grocery clerks

never know that

he's

in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that

wants to get out

but I'm too tough for him,

I say,

stay down, do you want to mess

me up?

you want to screw up the

works?

you want to blow my book sales in

Europe?

there's a bluebird in my heart that

wants to get out

but I'm too clever, I only let him out

at night sometimes

when everybody's asleep.

I say, I know that you're there,

so don't be

sad.

then I put him back,

but he's singing a little

in there, I haven't quite let him

die

and we sleep together like

that

with our

secret pact

and it's nice enough to

make a man

weep, but I don't

weep, do

you?

And speaking of poems is anyone else looking forward to seeing Howl?  While watching this trailer I realized I have never been to City Lights bookstore, which in my mind is a travesty that needs to be remedied asap.